Why You Should Give Your Teen More Independance

Dear parents,

I am here to tell you why you should give your child more independence and space while in their teenage years. Child independence is very important in a teen’s life during their transition into adulthood. Teens need to learn important life skills/lessons such as decision making, money saving and time management.

I have no experience in giving children independence because I don't have a child but I can just imagine how hard it must be letting them go. This is an important and difficult time in all parents lives, but for the teen it is a lot harder. They will feel happy and sad, excited but scared and most of all they will miss you being their ‘protector’. You as their parent and guardian have to help and guide them along the way.

Firstly, between the ages of 10 to 15 your child will be going through many mental changes. Your child is almost definitely going to make many mistakes as they grow up and start to discover/understand their true self. Making mistakes is definitely ok, actually, research shows that making mistakes is the best way to learn in life. A Raising Kids and Independence article says that, “Your child needs to make some mistakes, to explore and have new experiences. This will help him learn life’s lessons and continue to shape his brain’s development.” This shows how important it is to let your child be independant and discover things themselves, even if that means making mistakes along the way. It is Important to show you teen that you do not expect perfectness from them.

Secondly, teen’s need to learn important life skills such as decision making. A teen can not depend on their parents to make all their important decisions for them, because in their later life when they are in university or a job, they will have to make many important life changing decisions. It is very important that they learnt how to do these skills in their early life, where if they make a mad decision it won’t affect their life drastically, this comes with independence.

Thirdly, teen’s need to learn the skills of money saving. An interesting Investopedia article shows just one of the many reasons why it is important to save money. “If you get sick and need expensive health care that your insurance doesn’t cover, you’ll have a way to pay for it even though you can’t work while you’re getting treatment. And knowing that you have options because of the money you’ve socked away can give you even more peace of mind.” Other reasons for teens to save money, is to cover insurance, college funds, saving for housing, loans to be paid off and there are many more. Just think about this, do you really want your child to be depending on you for money, do you want your child to be living off bank loans or in debt.

My final reason why teens need to be given independance id for them to learn how to manage their time and not procrastinate. Encourage your teen to be responsible for his or her own time. Ask questions like, “How much time do you need for homework?” “How long to do you need to unwind after school?” If the answers to the question is “None” and “Until midnight”, you need to sit down with your teen and have a conversation about how to fit everything into an orderly time table. I am pretty sure you don’t want your child to be running around to classes late or have forgotten to finish important essays and not handing things in on time. A suggestion for helping your child from a Teenagers Independance article is, “You may want to let her try out her schedule through, say, one grading period. If grades go down, the schedule needs work and maybe more supervision from you.” There are many ways you can help your child manage time but sometimes you need to let them figure out a way themselves, something that works for them.

In conclusion, all though letting your child go and giving them more independence may be a scary and worrying time, it will greatly help them in the future. They will need to learn important life skills such as time management, money saving , and decision making. You can help them learn these but at some point they need to discover these things on their own but all the time with your encouragement and support, especially when they make mistakes. Always be there as their parent and protector in the hard times, have their back and support them when times get really though. But most importantly, don’t be afraid to sit down and talk with your child about how everything is going.

Thank you for reading,

From Nadia

Bibliography:

"Raising Independance in Teens." Raisingchild.net.au. N.p., 05 Nov. 2012. Web. 19 Mar. 2016. <http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/independence_teenagers.html>.

Fontinelle, Amy. "Why Saving Money Is Important | Investopedia."Investopedia. N.p., 18 Mar. 2015. Web. 19 Mar. 2016. <http://www.investopedia.com/articles/personal-finance/031215/why-saving-money-important.asp#ixzz43KviW66F>.

"Huckleberry House." Teenagers and Independence. N.p., n.d. Web. 19 Mar. 2016. <http://huckhouse.org/parents/teenagers-and-independence/>.

Teenager Independence

Dear parents,

I am writing in the perspective of a 12 turning 13 year old, and with the experience of having an older brother, I believe I can legitimately say that I see both sides of the situation with teenagers. You are all parents of a 12-13 year old son/daughter. The issue of having a teenager living under the same roof is becoming increasingly hard to ignore. I believe that you, as parents should provide guidance, care and patience for your teenagers but at the same time giving them the freedom to make their own decisions. I believe this should be done while showing love and support to their ups and downs, strengths and weaknesses.

It is a popular belief that teenagers are emotional, irritable and not pleasant to live with. Have you ever asked yourself why? The scientific answer you usually get is puberty. But have you ever imagined what it would be like if they didn’t desire to be independent growing teenagers? If they were content under your control, never wanting to leave the house, never questioning your commands? You have to understand that a teenager’s desire to become independent and self reliant is a natural trait leading into growing and adulthood. Remind yourself that it’s not your fault and in a way it’s not your child’s either.

Firstly, you need to let your teenager make mistakes and learn from them. “Your child needs to make some mistakes, to explore and have new experiences. This will help him learn life’s lessons and continue to shape his brain’s development.” An article stated from Center of Adolescence Healthy, part of Royal Children’s Hospital. Through mistakes teenagers learn what’s right to wrong, life lessons etc. As hard as it is to watch your child stumble and fall, you have to understand that at the end of the day they will be positively developed adults. You have to believe in their ability to take a fall, recover and learn from it. This requires patience. Usually more than you’re ready to give. There is good news though, if you can make it past this rough patch of rudeness, arguments, scowling, your lovable, kind child will emerge.

Secondly, a popular topic when it comes to teenagers is the struggle for control. As they grow they’ll begin to want more of a voice in matters. “To put it in political terms, they want a democracy in which they are a voting member, rather than a dictatorship run by parents.” Stated Teenhelp, an organisation whose goal is to bring awareness to both parents and teens.

Although, some parents may argue that they are beginning to have less and less control over their teens in some issues, they still have influence. I can confirm this with my own experience. Understand that the more illogical and unreasonable rules and regulations they become, the less serious your teenager takes you. As hard as it is to admit it, there are times where it becomes appropriate to give in to the argument. This does not mean giving them free control all the time, it means sometimes you have to admit you are arguing the losing, irrational side of the argument.

In conclusion, you have to understand that parenting doesn’t mean having full control over your teenagers. They require guidance and support, not directions and commands. You have to loosen the rope over time, letting them explore, learn about themselves, their talents and weaknesses. This means being supportive and loving, , showing genuine interest in their everyday lives, giving space and privacy, yet setting family rules. "Don't panic; stay on your child's team, even when it appears to be a losing team, and give the whole process time to work itself out." Wrote Dr. Dobson professor in pediatrics. Remember, stay patient, keep talking and keep trying.